没有改变／也忘了时间
（一）
掌握手语
学习盲文
购买信笺
传递消息
（有天在超市看到一个男人举着 iPad 对着一个女人，女人一边沉默流泪一边激动地冲屏幕里的人打手语。）
（二）
我的一件心事被人重新排版打在小屏幕上挂在景区入口参加网络投票显示转发数量。
（三）
春天气味很多
花
天然芳香性挥发油
死了的疯了一样腐烂
冬眠的狐臭苏醒
脑油长大一岁
抓紧跑 或被划入对方势力范围
我还没动就离你近了一步
（四）
为什么我会在漆黑的凌晨一点收听电台播送的关于冈比亚前总统丫丫加米的事迹。（2017.某夜）
（五）
书摘：
existential spasm/ethics porn/innocent bystander/mindfucked millionaire/decorous dumps/transactional blow job
（一）
六年里看了很多遍 Judgment at Nuremberg, 永远是最好的庭审戏。
听 Kraftwerk 的 3-D 一切，异常好听。查了查 Autobahn, 德语里的高速公路。
碰巧第二天看大审判，听到仆妇说：
Hitler did some good things. I won’t say he didn’t do some good things. He built the Autobahn. He gave more people work.
多么熟悉的来自民间的论调。接下来的对话就是之前微博提到的那一段。
仆妇：
We won’t say he didn’t do some good things. But the other things…the things they say he did to the Jews and the rest…we knew nothing about that. Very few Germans did.
仆夫补充：
And if we did know…what could we do?
虽然是闲聊，但是法官说：
But Mrs. Halbestadt said you didn’t know.
人们到底知道吗？Janning 在庭上说：
Maybe we didn’t know the details. But if we didn’t know, it was because we didn’t want to know.
（二）
看了《大佛普拉斯》和《村戏》，都是不完全黑白片。大佛里面，只有老板的行车记录仪画面是彩色的，声色犬马男盗女娼。村戏里面，只在闪回文革的时候有大红配大绿，视效像故意粗糙扎眼的后期上色。色彩是特权，是金钱和政治。
大佛里面人人说“靠北”，原来是“哭爸”的意思，你爹死了。没怎么看过台湾电影，不然早学会了。村戏里面人人问“沾不沾”，就是“行不行”的意思，原来好多地方都这么说，不只我家那边。
大佛和村戏都很好很宝贵。人命算个屁，屁的故事值得去讲。
（三）
冲着 Michael B. Jordan （以及对文化现象的好奇……）看了 Black Panther, 片子观感一般，而且 3D 眼镜太难受，我恨 3D!! 但 Michael 确实可爱！Tiffany Haddish 发的一段搞笑小视频也有他出镜，看了很多遍：）
I don’t care if you became the king or not, you’re just Wallace to me.
（四）
把 Chris Rock 的经典场又看了一遍。”Life is catching up with jail.” “Men are as faithful as their choices.” 这两句真的过耳难忘。
最新专场 Tamborine 被喷得稀烂，评论一片骂 “fucking racist!” 就我看来，他十几二十年前的立场也很“激进”，但内容好笑。现在的 Chris Rock 完全失去锐气锋芒光彩膨胀等等一切让他充满舞台的东西了。不穿亮闪闪的皮衣，不再拽着话筒线大步走来走去，不再扯着嗓子一遍一遍重复自己的话，变成了任何一个穿小号 T 恤证明自己并没发胖、台上辐射半径不超过一米、鼻子不通还喋喋不休、出轨离婚又念念不忘的颓唐中年男人。我是不是刻薄了，对不起。
（五）
艺术家要多自恋才能承受自己的作品。抄一段：
“The fact that I myself, at the moment of painting, do not understand my own pictures, does not mean that these pictures have no meaning; on the contrary, their meaning is so profound, complex, coherent, and involuntary that it escapes the most simple analysis of logical intuition. To describe my pictures in everyday language, to explain them, it is neccessary to submit them to special analyses and preferably with the most ambitiously objective scientific rigour possible. Then all explanation arises a posteriori; once the picture already exists as phenomenon.”
《蔡国强：天梯的艺术》非常好看。烟花爆炸的时候，好像其他的声音都消失了，安静纯粹。稍提了一下蔡跟官方合作的难言之隐和以柔克刚的愿望。他对妻女讲文革时候父亲烧书的痛苦，泣不成声。如今植物人父亲在病榻上。天梯终于成功，好似一出幼稚的神迹，妻子在道喜的众人背后掩面痛哭。
《大世界》（《好极了》）期待很久，主要一开始海报上的铁轨蜥蜴太带劲了，结果比想象的粗糙不少，但还是很棒。
Call Me by Your Name 放低了预期，看起来还是很心动的。Oliver 的演员不太像书里才华横溢的哲学学者，还好美国大洋马的气质很充沛。又读了一遍小说，Elio is gold. 聪明敏感对一切充满疑惑的男孩是金。If a man was sure about a lot of things, he’s dead already.
I Love You, Daddy – Louis C.K. 胎死腹中的新片。观感像一集不出彩的加长版 Louie, 死了没什么可惋惜的。但这个人我还是想惋惜一下。
《狗13》暴哭。李玩长得太像我小学最好的朋友，早不联系了，但我会想起在雪天我们爬上报社楼顶，玩雪滑冰，在楼顶的边缘试探，人是小的我们是远的。李玩在课堂上罚站，老师接着念课文，”she should also…” 李玩望着镜头。SHE SHOULD ALSO. 那一刻我想纵火。
《红海行动》和卖拷贝的 13 Hours 形成互文。一个不同之处，13 Hours 里的战士更人性化，有家庭有背景，放回社会当中你能想象出他在哪，而不只是被战友情和“更高情怀”兜起来的一把棋子。有趣的是，有美国评论家专门批判这种 humanizing the soldiers 的好莱坞手法。
又看了一遍 Girls Trip, 彻头彻尾的三俗喜剧。好看就好看在 blackness, 虽然我对 blackness 的理解有限。故事地点在新奥尔良，试问谁不热爱新奥尔良！Tiffany Haddish 太可爱，搜她的 IMDb 才发现我以前看过她一段脱口秀，Snoop Dogg 组的一场黑人女脱口秀演员专场，讲得很一般。但她在这片子里太出彩了，大红大紫也不奇怪。Foster home 飞出的凤凰。
（一）
K 字头记忆：
卧铺车熄灯之后，所有人躺好，你站在过道向车厢另一头望去，头头脚脚鳞次栉比。呼噜声响起来，手机屏灭下去。穿堂风吹来的唯一美妙气味是薄荷牙膏。面对车窗，道路厂房广告牌以灯光为单位缓缓平移，黑暗时只有自己的影子浮在窗外。列车员频繁经过，对你产生一些想法。这个夜晚你乘坐火车兜风。
（二）
前两天路上遇到个熟人，上来就对我说：小胖妮儿长这么大了！
我气炸，给点面子行不行？下次请直接叫我大胖娘们儿。
（三）
旺夫：把夫烧得旺旺的。
（四）
三十年河东，三十年河干。
（五）
有位亲人上个月去世了。大年三十他的微信号在群里发红包，大家都没吱声。
（六）
果然还有人说我，又长高了？
我说：我都快三十了。
（七）
2002年忘了大年初几，大人们打牌，吆五喝六乌烟瘴气，我用表姨（比我大两岁）的电脑看《流星花园》到深夜。人生第一次 binge-watching, made me so swoon. 收获了很多意淫素材，同时为自己竟然喜欢上这种肉麻的东西感到沮丧。
那时候经常纠结，激素分泌、身体发育、意淫，到底怎么相互作用？意淫会不会让人早熟？我怎么……？？
（八）
我和巨人烤火。
火是巨人生的，很大一堆，烧得高高的，挡住月亮。
火堆里有一根香樟木，是我提的要求，巨人说行。香得昏过去，四下的虫子都跑了，跑不动的翻在地上蹬腿。
清清静静的夜晚。我讲个火的故事吧，巨人说那你大点声。
“古时候有个痴人，总想离开地面。每次憋足一个大屁，他就找片空地蹲下，‘嘭！’ 过后人总还在原处。”
巨人哼了一声，喷出一根鼻毛，毛线一样粗，落在火焰上，像化学书里写的：蛋白质燃烧有烧焦羽毛的气味。
“村里人见怪不怪——毕竟，村里还有一个麻子，两个疯子，三个拐子。有天太阳落山，村人照例在大槐树下喝汤，吸溜，吸溜。忽然，痴人端着碗走到饭场空地上，又撅起了屁股。人们见状，都吃吃笑起来。他凝神聚气的时候，一个坏家伙举了火把悄悄凑过去，想燎他的棉裤。”
巨人的肚子不详地咕噜了一声，带着隆隆回响。
“就在这时，痴人的大屁喷薄而出，和火苗相遇，催出惊人的火舌。村志记载，那屁激荡绵长，火焰大而灿烂。众人看呆，从此奉痴人为神人，司祭祀香火。那个举着火把的坏家伙，震惊之余，百思不得其解，从此潜心研究十余载，终于从屁中发现可燃气体甲烷。”
“噫！” 听完，巨人伸个懒腰，关节敲锣打鼓，打个哈欠，高处白雾茫茫。
树皮毕毕剥剥的声音渐悄。我起身说，谢谢你的火，再见。巨人颔首，谢谢你火的故事，再见。
我走了很远，回头看巨人已经和我一样大了。
只见他背对奄奄一息的火堆抬起屁股，酝酿着什么。
见完土摩托老师心情舒畅。
开始讲之前土老师说，再给你们放一首歌。前奏一响，竟然是 Call Me by Your Name 里的 Visions of Gideon, 异常温柔，和眼前中年壮汉的气质无法重叠。土老师喜欢 haunting, 伤感的歌，那也不奇怪了。
他讲在极圈有一次，好像自己的感觉系统出现混乱。视觉上人类生存的符号都有，道路，楼房，城市规划，但是没有声响，听觉闲置。想去那个地方，死寂的体验我只在梦里有过，好像我眼看着这个世界，而身处另一个世界。“羔羊揭开第七印的时候，天上寂静约有二刻。”或者是戴上好耳塞，感受膨胀物填充耳道，声音在五秒之内死去。
能把“牛逼”、“我靠”说得清爽不油腻，土老师真是北京来的？
期待土老师写宗教。他说印度是一个他无法 make sense 的地方，主要因为奇特的信仰，所以还想再去，也推荐大家去，便宜。到美国之后我对宗教有了全新的认识，也继续确定我这辈子不会变成 believer. 宗教对个人、对人类的影响我会一直好奇下去。
土老师说喜欢一个人旅游，出去旅游不就是为躲开那些人吗？但是遇到真正好玩儿的人，还是要紧紧抓住——此处举例小老虎。（小老虎真好听，土老师诚不我欺。）
他也臧否了几个人物，包括施一公，比较颠覆我的认识。意外吗？好像也说不上，大人物在领域以外（甚至以内）的傻逼之处还少吗。
提问环节，我提了个一个。听到他对某些话题的无奈，我的无奈也不足道了。但他说，也不是全无希望。比如前几年他写的关于仿制药的两篇长文，影响甚广。今年最新出台的政策，和他文中提出的几点建议非常吻合，所以他说还是看看自己能做点什么吧，虽然很难。感动！
我还想让他讲讲放的那首歌，他说，就是最近一个电影的片尾曲，Call Me by Your Name. 可惜没再多说。
有人说本来以为是投资人袁岳的讲座，坐下来发现是土摩托袁岳。然后问了土老师有没有另一半。我知道他没有，但没想到他说起这个问题会有一点点近似羞涩（无奈？）的态度。最后说，“年龄大了，更不愿意凑合了。”
就喜欢土老师的较真儿
土老师对我影响很多，我平时意识到的有限。理性、智识上只是一方面。我通过他知道了《宋飞正传》，开始了我对美国喜剧的真正喜爱。还知道了超级市场，感谢土老师，我有了数不清的美妙的开车兜风的夜晚。夜晚是复杂气溶胶，我是一种浓度约为零的溶质。
很多牛逼的人，他们做的事我一点也不羡慕，但是土摩托，我羡慕死了。他散发 freeing power, 又永远自信，我喜欢死了，像给缺氧的人的一口氧气。我原来写，“这么自信的人很容易让人讨厌。但土摩托不会，因为他往往是正确的。”土摩托怼过不少东西是我喜欢的，一点不耽误我喜欢他，说不定没两年我就讨厌那些东西了。
我对朋友说：真的是超酷超厉害又毫不装逼的一个人，还有比这更好的吗？
侬好。
一年前，是你！用那个呜呜叫的东西，把我珍藏在抓毯下面的一条小壁虎干吸走了。你拖着那东西在地板上划来划去，每周来一通，几次经过我的抓毯，都绕过去了。偏偏那天停下来，掀起毯子，你一愣。我知大事不妙。
小壁虎干——我心爱的 stash, 共享空间里难得保全的秘密，一次天性释放的余欢，不曾谋面的先辈传下的动物标本制作技术，并未献祭给主人的战利品——你对它笑了两三四声，喂给了呜呜叫的东西。我敢怒不敢喵，再料不到一年后的现在我会给你写信。
你老是呆在卧室，我有时担心。灯光从门缝透出，长时间安静，大笑，唧唧讲话，擤鼻子，长时间安静。嘿，你没想不开吧？我得制造声音，意思是：本猫在，要想开。当然主要还是抗议你不让我进屋。
我也有思考。思考猫狗关系，人猫关系，人狗关系，有关系的地方就有政治，这一点不展开讲。我看问题一般从根基出发（身高决定），你听我说。据我观察，你离我的爱有些距离，你持保留态度，你摸我的手偶尔陷入犹疑。反过来我也常想：猫爱抚人类是否为保证自己麻木。好消息：我不是。我有时挠你一下，是为了证明我自己清醒。
我自信你在乎我，非常之在乎。你观察我，生物对生物那样。我对事物产生好奇的时候，你对我也更加好奇，我受到鼓励。透过我的好奇，你对世界也更加好奇。我无法向你描述猫的视角，但一个假想的猫的视角，岂不也是一个新鲜视角。
你做几锅菜的时候，我最高兴。不是对菜本身高兴——除了炸鸡皮，你那些都我不爱吃。是因为，你做菜会开窗通风，这时我就蹲在窗台上。风吹过来，我闻到新鲜狗屎，邻居的猫发情，小溪里的鱼，有只花栗鼠正在流血，鸟三天前死在门口槐树上，还有一些难以理解的气味，我猜由人产生。我隔着纱窗望远的时候，会暂时忘记我在房子里，虽然我永远在这座房子里。
有天你对我唱，If you are happy and you know it say “meow~” 我“喵嗷”一声就沉默了，不是不捧场。我想诚实。
你拍我的照片还在冰箱上贴着，多谢，多谢。但不知道你知不知道，猫认不出自己。那只不知疲倦撞向窗子的红鸟儿以为，自己的影子是敌人。他恐惧、困惑、不屈不挠，所以徒劳。而我趴在冰箱门前，久久盯着“我”的照片，没法产生认同，最古怪的感觉莫过于此。我不通过看到我来确认我，我直接是我。你能明白吗？
祝好，
猫
动物系列其他：
（一）
在交友 app 填上真实年龄，并陷入沉思。
（二）
雨天谜题：你不知道哪块平整的地砖踩上去就滋出水。
卤煮谜题：你不知道哪块精致的肥肠咬下去就滋出……
（三）
城市的鼻屎是黑色的。
（四）
【例行消费主义反思】你点击优惠券的时候，也出卖了一些主权。
（五）
您：自信，热爱，好奇，探索，运动，旅行，有机，美食……
我：再会。
（六）
屏幕里的人，动不动就说，fuck ’em all!! 对方：you right, fuck ’em all. 然后俩人相视一笑。结果 fuck ’em all 了吗？我看 fuck y’all 吧。
（七）
Chris Rock: Anyone who thinks for a living is going to be sad. Ignorance is bliss. So what’s the opposite? You can’t be ignorant if you’re a comedian. You have to be aware and you can know too much but are we manic-depressives? Nah! But we’re definitely not as happy as the average idiot.
今年看了快200部电影和一堆脱口秀专场，我需要社交。（不需要吗？需要吗？不需要吗？需要吗？）
重新喜欢上 James Franco。当年 Comedy Central 他做主咖的那场 Roast 最经典的段子：别的好莱坞演员接片原则一般是 “one for you, one for me,” 而 James Franco 是 “one for you, ten for nobody.” 直到 The Disaster Artist. 虽然他亲弟弟 Dave 在里面的表演让人抓狂，但是片子太可爱了，James Franco 太可爱了！！听了他在 NPR 的专访，懒洋洋又顽皮。以作品产出来看，他应该是很努力的，但就是给人懒洋洋的感觉，当然是不是经常 stoned 也不知道。
以我高龄还加了新的字幕组，翻了一集 Curb Your Enthusiasm, 满足，给我一丝安慰。几年前下的资源是生肉，没想到过了这么久才刚有人做。Larry David 有我很喜欢的风格，也写过一点感受。
“他在 stand-up 场子里指称自己的观众为 ‘you people’（你们这些人呐……），主动拉开距离，制造对立，把自己放在一个旁的地方。你可以轻易察觉到他的优越感，冷眼看穿——他嫌弃观众。但是你不会讨厌他，因为他更嫌弃他自己。相比于观众的存在，他更为自己的存在而尴尬——他甚至想一跑了之。”
很喜欢看一个叫 Charlie 的小朋友的游记，细节一个一个回忆，人物和对话不是流水一样就过去了，而是重现，跃然纸上。这样形式的记录令人惊喜地有趣。我很少写下来和人的交流。跟不喜欢的人，I want to escape the moment. 跟喜欢的人，the moment seizes us. 快乐时光的细节模糊，感觉清晰。
写自己不写别人，也是一种个人主义的逃避。
Today the individual has become the highest form and the greatest bane of artistic creation. The smallest wound or pain of the ego is examined under a microscope as if it were of eternal importance. The artist considers his isolation, his subjectivity, his individualism almost holy. Thus we finally gather in one large pen, where we stand and bleat about our loneliness without listening to each other and without realizing that we are smothering each other to death. The individualists stare into each other’s eyes and yet deny the existence of each other. (Ingmar Bergman)
心态上没那么年轻了。开始更欣赏有生命力的东西，生命力让我激动。为 BPM 和 Endless Poetry 这样的片子发狂，垂死的生命力，心脏鼓胀饱满欲裂，看完我想绕场 30 周。更痛恨陈腐、作态。不再抵触和年轻人交朋友。想要表现出积极而未果，除了偶尔表演欲较强的时候。还会受到理想主义煽动，我精神上还没完。
回到城市生活，被笼罩被裹挟，需要一段时间找到感觉，找到我。离开之前我就知道一定会怀念的是在小路上开车，就像当初离开武汉就怀念在东湖边走路一样。一个人或快或慢的空间移动，有这么多情感附加，和环境背景脱离的感觉让人上瘾。
卖车的时候，眼看 dealer 开走，忽然觉得我的车可真棒啊，怎么就贱卖了。贬值带来丧气。快走了的时候，觉得自己的口语仿佛又好了些，和人相处又自在了些。徒劳带来丧气。但这些都无所谓，都是一忽儿的事情。奥巴马说得好（？？？）: “… if you’re worrying about yourself — if you’re thinking: ‘Am I succeeding? Am I in the right position? Am I being appreciated?’ — then you’re going to end up feeling frustrated and stuck. But if you can keep it about the work, you’ll always have a path. There’s always something to be done.”
我能回想起的无忧无虑的快乐在十八岁有一次。和好朋友并排躺着聊到深夜，幸福，但一种哀伤也浮上心头，因为我那时知道像这样的时光以后恐怕难有了。所以也并不是真的无忧无虑的快乐。小时候躺在床上想到，将来长大要工作成家，吓得蒙着被子哭。我现在要哭，已经没有这张被子了。
昨晚想了很多要写的话，今天全忘了。
祝您幸福，我随意。
去年上半年的阅读作业，关于很喜欢的一本非虚构故事。没有改语病，一下子瞧不出来，细究起来要调整的又太多，就这样吧……
1/2
A lot of animal stories share something in common – writers make great efforts to personify the animals in an artistic way, attaching human values and emotions to the characters. It would no doubt add to the enjoyment of reading fiction; for non-fiction, however, writers need to think twice before doing so because readers might raise questions regarding the truthfulness of the story.
Fortunately, French is such an excellent writer that he gave a vivid description of a series of animal characters without over-interpretation. Most of the time he appeared as an observer and listener, being meticulous at interpreting what he saw and heard.
I appreciate the way French presented the major dilemma in this story, which is whether animals should stay in the zoo. He didn’t simply put the zoo staff on the opposite side to the animal rights groups; instead, he showed us how they “confronted this paradox every day.” The internal struggle is based on both their belief that the freedom in the wild is a myth, “a human invention,” and their feeling of “a guilty conscience” – “holding living creatures captive.”
No one would neglect Herman’s story. He is a paradox. He is the alpha male and a marginalized figure at the same time. He is a chimp by nature and a semi-human by nurture. He reminded me of people with self-identification problems, living in a community that couldn’t provide a sense of belonging. French used Herman as a typical example to show how the surroundings affect a creature’s life.
The settings kept changing, Swaziland, Boeing 747, Lowry Park, Schultz’s house, etc., and the storyline jumped back and forth. The elephant story was put aside from time to time so we could meet various interesting animals and learn the history of Lowry Park. I’m expecting to read more about how the elephants were doing in the second half of the book, wondering if Enshalla successfully got pregnant, and worrying about the further reaction of animal rights organizations.
At the beginning of Chapter 5, French played a trick. He wrote about the king and the queen of Lowry Park without identifying their names or species. I couldn’t help but started to guess whom he was talking about. It turned out to be Herman and Enshalla, whom I’d already read about in the previous chapters. French first let us know their status quo and came back later to reveal how they grew up to be who they are. It feels just like the process of getting to know someone, starting with the first impression, then enriched with childhood experience and life stories.
I really enjoyed reading about the relationship between the animals and the zoo staff. The relationship appears in a mixture of tutorship, friendship, and kinship, sometimes even attraction. The keepers described Enshalla as “a mean little cuss” and Candy the tamarin “a little bitchy” with no malice. The notion of “a closet bunnyhugger” is so hilarious and it reminds me of that kind of people who never say the word “love” but their tenderness has given them away.
French didn’t shy away from writing about the realistic situation both the animals and people were faced with. For example, Enshalla and Eric’s mating drew so much attention partly because Lowry Park needed tiger cubs so badly to boost the box office. French would like readers to understand that the relationship between human beings and animals is driven by love, but not love alone.
2/2
I didn’t expect that the second half was going to be so dramatic – full of deaths, escapes, and downfalls.
French wrote about many deaths in his book, and to me, Herman’s was the most shocking one. He was betrayed, although I am not even sure whether the idea of betrayal exists in the world of chimps. I couldn’t hold my tears while reading the most heartbreaking scene when old Ed Schultz went to see Herman for the last time. Ed, ninety-one years old, told Herman that “the two of them would soon be united on the other side.” I like the way that French kept the scene short and not sensational. He just told us what Ed did and said as opposed to describing in detail how sorrowful he looked like.
French sounded sarcastic sometimes when he showed us that human beings, especially the upper-class members, behave just like animals. The Karamu gala looked like a circus show from French’s depiction – “the spotlight turned to the ruling species,” “the human exhibit, in full display.” Gorgeous women presented themselves as female beasts in a mating dance. Successful men showed off their power like alphas, claiming their ownership of women.
He didn’t miss a chance to mock the celebrities. Conan the talk show host chatted with a blonde woman in the middle of his “preshow fugue state,” which was a display of “the prerogative of the alpha,” according to French. Human behaviors are purposeful in a way while intuitive in another. Every action elaborately designed is just another display of man’s primitive desire. It feels absurd if we look at the human society through that lens. But in a sense it’s true. Like French said, “These were primates, after all.”
French showed his empathy when writing about animals that behaved like human beings. In contrast, he was being harsh and sarcastic when he believed some people behaved just like animals.
Human hubris didn’t work out fine in the second half of the book. Lex underestimated the patas monkeys’ ability to swim, and then overestimated human’s ability to capture the smart creatures. He had the ambitions to arrange and rearrange the natural world, which French called the “illusion of wildness.”
Compared with Lex as “Noah incarnate,” Kevin the keeper was more sober and humble when he had to decide which species to save, asking himself if it was right to “play God.” The Reillys were even more aware of the inability of human beings when faced with the power of nature, saying “nature plays no favorites.” So were the keepers who failed to save the argus pheasant chick from death, which was just “another turn of nature’s wheel.”
Lex’ duality was as impressive as Herman’s. “He was both creator and destroyer;” his attitude towards animals was “a mixture of both childlike wonder and ravenous lust.” I don’t think French blamed Lex for all what happened to Lowry Zoo. The title of chapter 17 is “Cull”, suggesting that Lex was also a victim living in a hostile environment.
I feel that French more or less agreed with the opinion that there’s no freedom, no balance, or even no laws in the world of animals. It’s more chaotic and subtle than we could imagine. The more we learned about nature, the more humble and self-aware we should be.