看了 To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before, 最近大火的 teen rom-com. 这段时间看了一些 rom-coms, 我精神上完了／还没完？
看的时候竟然没联想到我也做过这种事。虽然不是给所有喜欢过的人写没有地址的信，但也列过清单。这些记忆通常没存在感，面目不清地潜伏在我的下意识中。
两年前旁友说自己喜欢一个韩国男生，在想怎么表达。我说，“你知道他的名字用中文怎么写吗？帮他设计一个艺术签名啊。”然后大家都 “WTF?” 地笑了。
这个想法非常自然而然地出现，out of nowhere. 前两天见到旁友，又提起这件事，我脑子里的碎片忽然串通一气——
学前班我有过一个男生同桌。一年级之前那个暑假，我在家胡写乱画，用蓝色美工笔在本子上大大地写了他的名字，添了眉目手脚，画成了两个小人儿。开学之后我们不在一个班。有天课间他从邻班过来，和几个男生“老同学”玩在一起。等到快上课我才有机会告诉他，我把他的名字画成了画。他在上课铃声中匆匆跑了。
当时有点伤心，我想我们是好朋友，再次见到他我很开心，像从陌生感的淹没中浮出来透口气，希望他听说我画了他的名字会很高兴，盼着他还能经常来玩。
多年之后在家翻出来那张纸，我后知后觉地非常难为情。可能就此销毁了，反正后来找不见了，而我涂画的纸片一般都留着。
所以我告诉并没有给韩国男生设计艺术签名的旁友，“事实证明，不要这么做……”
下面是一些不需承担后果的喜欢——
Seth Rogen
不想活了的时候，去听一段 Seth Rogen Laugh Compilation, 如果听完还不想活，就可以去死了（别介！）
看过他的电影：Superbad★★★★★/Knocked Up★★★/Pineapple Express★★★/The Interview★★★/Sausage Party★★★/The Night Before★★★/Like Father★★/The 40-Year-Old Virgin★★★★/The Disaster Artist★★★★/50/50★★★★
也喜欢他的 Hilarity For Charity, 世界上最不正经的慈善晚宴，还有谁能让 Justin Roiland 贡献一段美妙垃圾动画。
JGL
让人疼爱。看过他的每个角色都好（即便 Don Jon 前面大半部分是个傻×，最后的拯救直男桥段实在动人），Instagram 好，访谈也好。他和烂仔（如上）或痞帅（如下）呆在一起更有一种正经可爱，boyish seriousness, 我内心充满柔情。所以 Bruce Willis 吐槽他 “look like a lesbian on the way to prom” 真是绝了，很像一个 nerdy high schooler 会在学校遭到的真实嘲笑。
Tom Hardy
I got nothin’ more to say. My heterosexuality survives on this man.
Keanu Reeves
My affection for him, for the most part, is non-sexual. Keanu’s face is pure aesthetic. I don’t remember I ever fancied him. I had to skip the love scene almost every time I watched The Matrix Reloaded, because I found it disturbing that a man as divine as Neo also need sex.
Ryan Gosling
My crush on him keeps coming back. Just a few days ago I caught myself rewatching his old SNL skits with a watery mouth. I still don’t think he’s extremely good-looking, though. But who am I to judge?
Martin Freeman
In real life he seems like a “high-functioning sociopath.” Or it’s just him putting on some talk-show personality.
Larry David
I used to have two posters in my bedroom. One was Larry David in Curb Your Enthusiasm, the other was George Costanza in Seinfeld. So basically that’s two Larry Davids (Note: Larry created the character George largely based on himself.) While I was still in shock that George (actually the actor Jason Alexander) recently gave in to Corporate America and became the new KFC colonel, I soon learned that Larry used to (or still does) play golf with President Obama. Power, “eh…”
Jim Jefferies
This is where I stop and question my taste in men. I hated some of his misogyny jokes (for which he has apologized) but I found him unbearably cute making that retarded face every now and then. Okay I’mma keep on questioning my taste in men.
而 Louis C.K., James Franco, Marlon Brando… 再不可能像以前一样喜欢了。喜欢就还是有后果要承担，与残存的情感缠斗。
P.S. My favorite drag queen is Milk. What a man/woman!
P.P.S. Oops, I forgot racial diversity. Idris Elba, Michael B. Jordan, and Dave Chappelle (with his body all built up).
09/20/2018 更新：
昨天看到 Comedians In Cars Getting Coffee 里面 Louis C.K. 那一集，节目前两年做的。Louis 真是完美的 storyteller, 画面感太强以至于节目给他讲的故事配了一段动画，换句话说 Louis 能出口成脚本（听着这么别扭）。这种人说自己有拍电影的冲动，活该啊。节目开始没多久，他和 Jerry Seinfeld 还在车里的时候，Louis 说自己的脸和旁边 biker 的屁股在一个高度。Jerry 说：你去捏一把。Louis 说：No, I’m afraid.
You damn right you should be afraid.
前篇：《道听途说来的男人》